Making a start, on the quest to answer life’s biggest questions.
To begin with, we have to establish a context, or a mental or psychological environment within which to function. You have to get your mind in gear. And the key components of a healthy mental environment are sanity, moderation, and a striving towards the highest standards. The Zen quest must not be allowed to become an obsession; there is plenty of time for everything to be examined calmly, and carefully. And subject to the most rigorous scepticism. You don’t have to believe in anything. And whatever you feel you can accept, can be accepted provisionally, until such time as it is either proved, or disproved, one way or the other. Sometimes this can leave you feeling completely adrift, and rudderless. Stay with this feeling if you can – and see what it means – but if you can’t, put your faith in the fact that others have been there before you, and survived.
The first question you begin with is: what exactly are you trying to do, with Zen ? Not, what do you believe, or what do you think, but what are you actually trying to achieve ? A supplementary question, to help you get some ideas, is ‘how exactly are you going to achieve it ?’ What methods are you going to use ? ‘What are you trying to do ?’ seems to be a perfectly simple question, but one of the hardest to answer, because you need to have quite a few clear ideas in place before you can get anywhere with it.
Example: ‘What exactly are you trying to achieve, through Zen ?’
‘Enlightenment.’
‘What is that ? How would you know it, if you achieved it ?
Which part of you needs enlightening ?
Which part of you is in darkness ? What kind of darkness ? What kind of light ?’
These questions are not just exercises in cleverness, if you take them seriously. They are not opportunities to be glib, but opportunities to look at yourself long and hard. It can’t be done in a few hours. It takes years. But you can make a start.
The important thing is not to sell yourself short. Cut through the words to the thing itself. Keep trying. Keep looking. Keep thinking. Maybe the people trying to teach you – however well meaning – have got it wrong. Maybe they don’t know either, but just pretend they know. You have to find out for yourself. You have to see for yourself, and have it right in front of your eyes. Otherwise you’re just another deluded believer.